that episode where a team with only one girl and a lot of guys suddenly has another girl join the team, and everyone loves her for some reason (usually implied to be that shes pretty), and the original girl immediately hates and cannot stand second girl
are you kidding
whenever i have been in an all boy group the appearance of anything even remotely a girl has been an utter relief and total joy are you kidding
My entire professional life has been in teams surrounded by men. Like, literally, there have been repeated times in my life when I was the only woman on that floor.
On two separate occasions in my working life, I’ve joined a team and the other woman already on that team has later come over to talk quietly to me and say something to the effect of “Thank god, another woman. I was so happy to find you were joining us.”.
I guess this is how you can tell a guy wrote the script and he had very little real world experience in the environment he’s writing. When you’re in an all-male team, the only other woman would have to be a straight out sociopath who casually poisoned people around her to make me hate her. And even if she was, I’d at least try four times before I gave up. Or maybe consider joining her (I mean she might have a reason for what she’s doing after all).
How to introduce the second female character to the team: Both women are meeting somewhere the male teammates have never been. The more established woman is giving the newbie a detailed profile on every dude in the team, how best to deal with him, and how much of an asshat he’s likely to be.
What happens when clueless male writers assume a lone woman will naturally view a female newcomer as competition for male resources, instead of, as is more often the case, an ally against male dominance.
man, I played WoW pretty hardcore for quite a long time, and while there are more women who play than dudes like to pretend, still pretty male-dominated. in every guild I’ve been in, the reaction to another girl joining is “OMG YESSS” and an invite to the girls-only channel
every single negative stereotype about women was dreamt up by men who were projecting. fight me about it.
“women can’t drive”
It is so well known that women are better and safer drivers than men that OUR CAR INSURANCE RATES ARE LOWER. Women get into fewer accidents, get fewer DUIs, and receive fewer speeding tickets than men.
“women never shut up”
Several scientific studies have shown that not only do men talk more than women, they also think that women have been talking for much longer than they actually have. Men interrupt and talk over women, dominate conversations, and still think women talk too much.
“women are shallow”
Lol next
“my wife is my ball and chain lmao”
Multiple studies have shown that marriage between men and women: Increases male lifespan, decreases female lifespan Decreases male depression rates, increases female depression rates Decreases male stress levels, increases female stress levels Increases male health and happiness, decreases female health and happiness Increases a man’s chance of getting a raise or promotion, decreases a woman’s chances of getting a raise or promotion
“women are too emotional”
Men love to say this about women after hurting them, in order to shift the blame and dismiss their feelings in one go. In reality, women are taught to hold our tongues and control ourselves quite literally from birth. We’re taught to put men’s needs and wants ahead of our own emotions regardless of the personal cost. Men are taught to do more or less whatever the fuck they want to women. Men take their emotions out on women while women are expected to shove theirs down.
I could go on and on but I don’t really think I need to.
One important thing to remember in life: Do not coddle men.
Do not do their work for them. Do not perform uncredited labor for them, including intellectual labor. Do not bend over backwards to help them. Do not tell them they are good at things they are bad at.
Do not smile at them when you don’t want to. Do not laugh at their terrible jokes or stroke their egos or let them think they are better than you when odds are good that they are almost definitely not.
Do not even deal with men whose presence bothers you when you can get away from them/when you aren’t regularly forced to be near them for things like work. Do not include men in your life who don’t deserve to be in it any time that you can avoid it at all.
When people talk about learning not to centre men in your life? This is a huge part of what that means. Don’t go along with male supremacy when you’re safe enough to avoid doing so. Recognise that the fact that you feel constantly compelled to do these things for men when they do not do the same for you is a product of patriarchy and misogyny.
This is good advice, and it’s advice I follow, but what I kind of wish I’d known a long time ago is what it will do to your relationships with other people.
The women who react like you’re not pulling your weight with the emotional labour of looking after the men’s feelings (or the physical labour of cleaning up after them, or doing their healthwork or being their unpaid admin) because if you don’t hold up your end of managing his emotions, he’s not going to start doing it himself, there will be a woman who will, and she’ll resent you for the extra work, not him. And it’ll affect how much she and her female friends will go out of their way for you, because that’s how emotional labour works, it is the labour of maintaining social connections, of maintaining a society.
When your mother and your father are both sad that you aren’t that close to him because you won’t do all the work of maintaining a connection with him, you expect him to do his share too, and because you expect him to be as careful of your emotions and sensitivities as he would expect you to be of his, which since no other female-perceived person in his life holds him to that standard, feels to him like he has to “walk on eggshells” around you and you’re “always offended”.
When a lot of your friends’ partners dislike you, and you them, and your friends have no idea why, or possibly don’t even notice that’s the case, and it’s hurting your relationships with those friends.
When you’re talking with a friend about her relationship, and you say “wow, that was really mean. He shouldn’t have said that to you. I’m sorry he treated you like that, you deserve better,” and you know she’s taking that less seriously coming from you because you’re That Man-Hating Feminist Who Thinks All Men Are Abusive, and won’t really believe what he said was mean until she hears it from a woman who does centre men in her life. And if she did believe it was mean, the fact that you thought so too makes her wonder if she’s being too much of a man-hating feminist herself.
And that this is not about being male, it is about being privileged, and there are probably situations where you’re that man who expects women to coddle you, but split down some other axis, not male/female. Or situations where some woman is doing it to you, and you think you owe it to her and don’t see the dynamic at play because she isn’t a man.
And that emotional labour is important, necessary labour, the problem isn’t that it exists at all but that it falls disproportionately on some people instead of being shared equally.
But mainly that this isn’t a problem you can solve or opt out of individually. It’s a group problem and requires a group solution. Which isn’t to say “go forth and coddle men”, just… if you follow this advice, understand why it feels like you’re swimming against the tide a lot of the time. Because you are. And maybe it’s worth it – it is for me – but it’s better to know.
know what’s wild? that the trope of like “my father always wanted a son so he treated me, his daughter, like a boy” is so popular and like lowkey loved, but if you ever saw a mother who talked about how much she wanted a daughter instead of a son, or if she treated her son like a girl, like??? people would think she’s awful and that poor boy??
damn wonder why that is 😒
i was high af when i wrote this but it’s still true
The latter is literally the plot of some horror movies.
being socialized female is easily recognized as abuse the moment it’s done to a male child
ImagineCreateDevour 