Tag: funny

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

kurtwagnermorelikekurtwagnerd:

kurtwagnermorelikekurtwagnerd:

you know what’s always bugged me? when a character is faced with some magical two headed being or some shit and one always lies while the other tells the truth and to figure out which is which the character’s like “which one of you is the liar” or something like bruh literally all you gotta do is be like “what’s two plus two” one of them’s gonna say four and the other one is gonna say 83 or some shit. there you go. answered. go on with your magical quest to defeat david bowie. 

this has forty notes. that’s forty more notes than expected.

THIS IS A VERY GOOD POINT and deserves more notes

rrozeselavy:

thebraveandmischievous:

rrozeselavy:

so the thing about my family is that we have two ancestors on my dad’s side who were buried in france, where I currently live. one died in the spanish civil war, and one died prior doing…we don’t know what. but he somehow managed to get buried in père lachaise. 

so anyhow, my gran sends me a message like “pls put flowers on ur uncle samuel’s grave because he’s gone over a century with none and it will make the ghost mad if he hasn’t already” because my family spends time in europe but never long enough to go all the way to père lachaise and give ya boy samuel jr. his death rites. so im like “ok gran I can do that” bc im a good grandson and you do not fuck with gran she doesn’t DESERVE THAT 

i figure out which plot he’s on and ask someone specifically where you can find uncle samuel jr. and they tell me where and so I arrive at the junction and. 

HE GONE. 

WHERE DID YOU GO UNCLE SAMUEL. 

*celine dion’s smash hit “my heart will go on” playing in the distance* 

in other words either someone stole my entire great great uncle samuel or he has risen again, ready to party in paris for all of eternity. 

You’re pretty chill about a corpse disappearing.

My guy, my dude, he’s been dead since 1851. He could be anywhere. He does what he wants.

blue-rand:

writing-prompt-s:

Long before you were born, your father promised his firstborn to otherworldly beings in exchange for power. In a twist of fate, your mother also promised her firstborn to dark gods.

“Sooo, your parents are divorced?”
“Nooooo, they never were married.”
“So who do you live with? Which parent?”
“Well, I spend the first half of the year in underworld, and the second half with the fae. Not an ideal situation but it’s due to things that are out of our hands, so it can’t be helped”
“……… wait, run that by me again, you WHAT?”