funny – Page 39 – ImagineCreateDevour

chainsxwsmile:

Lemon sharks may occasionally get possessive of divers giving attention to other sharks, and try to chase off any tiger sharks of whom the lemons might be jealous.

brightindie:

sleeping is hard in the summer because blankets are too warm but without blankets im vulnerable to monsters

allantruong:

age 6: i want to live in a SPACE MANSION

age 9: i want to live in a REGULAR MANSION

age 12: i want to live in a BIG HOUSE

age 15: i want to live in a REGULAR HOUSE

age 18: i want to live SOMEWHERE WITH A COUCH

age 21: i want to live in a SPACE MANSION

vampireapologist:

vampireapologist:

vampireapologist:

idk if I’ve posted about this before but by far the strangest things that’s happened to me in retail was the time someone’s total came out to my birth-year and I said “hey! that’s the year I was born!” and then the next customer’s total came out to like $12.57 and just bc I’m a weirdo I said “hey! that’s the year I was born!” and without missing a fucking beat this like, 70+ year old man said

“Ah! Another like me! We’re few and far between these days, aren’t we?”

And I was like oh man this guy’s sense of humor really aligns with mine! And I laughed and made some other joke about being immortal and thought that was the end of it,

but this man.

He stood by the register for five more minutes. Maybe more. Which let me tell you is an EXCRUTIATING amount of time for something like this to happen.

And he just kept upping the ante!! He starting talking about some REALLY specific details regarding day-to-day life in the 1300s to the point I started getting worried that I’d misled a genuinely immortal being to believe I am also immortal.

He eventually politely left when I got too busy with other customers to awkwardly respond.

Who the fuck was that guy.

I think it’s also important to mention this happened at Cracker Barrel.

The number of people saying this guy was actually immortal FAR out numbers the people calling him a historian, but I’m saying: Why not both?

An immortal historian who is actually only about 150 years old, using his extensive knowledge from studying history for over a century to fool older immortals into thinking “shit….maybe this guy is our age….”

unclefather:

becketts:

that one time on Hotel Hell when Gordon Ramsay fed the owner’s dog some shitty bread and then was afraid he killed her

He checked her pulse

catsuggest:

lnconvenientcrush:

thepaintedbench:

Cat on Constantine’s Foot, Palatine Museum, Rome

@catsuggest kitter is now boss of bosphorus

:3

romeo-oh-nomeo:

this cat just escorted me for two blocks on my way home I’m ???

zamaron:

candiikismet:

alittlebitridiculous:

arciifer:

babyanimalgifs:

this is the angriest bird i’ve ever seen

To the people in the comments saying the guy is doing this “just for show”

He’s not

With this kind of bird, they are VERY attached to their cages, so if you need to replace the cage, you need to the show the bird you’ve destroyed it so it will accept the new one. It’s upset bc the cage it liked is gone, but the cage was too small for it so it needs to be replaced. The bird is fine.

Thank you for explaining that! I’ve been wondering about this video.

That bird was livid!

that bird sound like a white frat boy who found out his momma cut off his xbox live subscription

blackbearmagic:

“Who fucking asked you?!” I yell at my cards, after fucking asking them.

ahjareyn:

notyour–honey:

starfieldcanvas:

toastyhat:

one of my favorite tropes is when your group of main characters has been split up for questioning and they’re all answering the same questions in a neatly-spliced montage

my favorite trope is when the stories blatantly and hilariously conflict

I have a story

My eighth grade teacher told me this. So back when he was in uni is the setting. It’s friday, and he and a few buddies have this big test on monday. Now, they do need the weekend to study, but theydecide they wanna go skiing instead (#justcanadianthings). So, they do go skiing all weekend and don’t study a bit. They decide they’re gonna tell their professor that a tire popped and they were stuck in the mountains and had to skip (keep in mind, this was in the 80’s, not a lot of phones/no internet). They skip the test day, spend it studying, they go the next day to their professor and explain their ‘situation.’ He says it’s okay, understandable, and that they can do the test now. Seats each of them at each corner of the class. He leaves the class, then comes back with their tests. On the test paper is one question.

“Which tire was it that popped?”

ohhhh noooooooooo!