Tag: funny
writing style: author from the 1800s with a severe love of commas whose sentences last half a page
I came out here, to this point, to this place, hoping against all hope and despite signs and portends suggesting otherwise that I might, somehow, find myself having a pleasant experience, and yet here I stand, alone against the world, feeling assaulted, attacked on all fronts, knowing not my enemy’s name nor his face nor whether our battle is done.
Like I genuinely can’t tell whether that’s an example or somebody gloriously rewriting the “I came out here to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now” meme
yes
I do or “Alright, alright all ready! I’ll do it n a minute.”
Is this not standard practice? I mostly answer with, “What, should we go look at the foods? Let’s go look at the foods.”
I stand by it.
I’m glad someone else says “foods.” “Do you need foods, kitty? Let’s get you some foods.”
my standard answer is, “You know I fed you already and you can’t trick me into thinking otherwise!”
My standard is ‘oh really?! Well what did you say? [mew!] Well no wonder they were mad! [mew!!] Well because that’s rude, is why.’
“Yes, Baby Aggers. I KNOW, baby Aggers. Oh believe me I know. ”
[mew]
“Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly?”
[mew]
“To shreds, you say… Well, how’s his wife holding up?”
[mew]
“To shreds, you say…”
(x)
“I resent that slur against my character. I DEMAND SATISFACTION, SIR! PISTOLS AT DAWN!)
“You would think that, my love, but you would be wrong. Look how WRONG you are 👅”
“Where are you learning such language?!?”
“Your interpretation of Foucault is flawed at best.”
Does no one else yell “Polo!”?
Me: *writing*
Me: *reads what I just wrote*
Me: Huh. Well, that’s clearly foreshadowing.
Me, the author: I wonder what of…
I get pregnant, throw a “gender reveal” party, cut open the cake to reveal a landslide of green m&ms. “what does green mean??” my relatives ask, scandalized. in their confusion, they fail to notice that the doors have been barred. they are now my captive audience. “settle in, folks,” I say, “it’s time for gender theory 101. I have slides.”
Writers
Writer says: So I had this crazy idea one day and I just had to work on it. Here ya go!
Writer means: So I had this crazy idea either right before getting in the shower or right before falling asleep so I grabbed my fucking laptop and shat all over it to create the steaming pile of crap that I now lay before you. I don’t even know if it’s good anymore. I haven’t slept in two days.
Writer says: Wow, real life’s getting busy! Sorry on the slow updates.
Writer means: My life is a literal storm of shit at the moment. Why did I decide to do this. Why am I still doing this. Everything around me is spinning out of control and I am staying up ‘til 5:30 in the morning every night to create a piece of work that will only get two comments and 12 demands for quicker updates. I hope no one’s mad at me, all I wanted to do was write.
Writer says: Wow! Would you look at that! I updated on time! Please enjoy!
Writer means: WOOOOOOHOOOOOO BITCHES LOOK AT THIS PRODUCTIVE ASSHOLE GO YEEEEEHAAAAWWWW TAKE THAT YOU NASTY REVIEWERS ALWAYS DEMANDING ME TO BE FASTER! I GOT THIS SHIT I GOT THIS SHIT
Writer says: This chapter was a toughie. Glad it’s finally done!
Writer means: I don’t know if this is good or not. I honestly don’t fucking know. I’ve read the same words over and over and over again and I just couldn’t look at it anymore. My beta said it was ok but I’m not confident but HOLY SHIT I JUST NEED TO STOP WRITING THIS FUCKIGN CHAPTER.
Writer says: Thanks for reading!
Writer means: Please, oh please oh please oh please leave me a review. A comment. Anything. Please tell me you’re out there. Please tell me someone is reading this.
Writer says: I just want to say that real life is getting pretty hectic right now. Please try to be patient with me, I know you guys want updates. Thanks! 🙂
Writer means: FUCK. YOU. Who the fuck do you think you are, demanding shit from me?! You don’t know my life! I have a very busy life! I create shit for free, you entitled son of a pig-fucker! STOP LEAVING ME COMMENTS TELLING ME TO UPDATE SOON OR I SWEAR TO GOD I’LL PUKE ALL OVER MY COMPUTER
Writer says: What’s gonna happen next? Who knows? Hee hee 😉
Writer means: I have no fucking clue what the next chapter is going to look like. What’s my plot? I don’t know. I feel no emotion.
Writer says: Please leave a comment! It helps me write!
Writer means: I am begging you to leave me a comment because I swear it’s the only thing that’s keeping me motivated right now, I hate the work I put out and I need reassurance that people are actually enjoying this.
Writer says: I hope you enjoyed that chapter, big things are coming up! 😉
Writer means: Buckle up bitches, someone’s gonna die.
Writer says: I know I’ve missed a few updates, but I swear I plan on finishing this story!
Writer means: *high pitched eternal screeching*
Writer says: Here we are at long last! This has been one wild ride. I want to thank you all so much for your support and love, I adore each and every one of you. I am so happy to say that this story has come to a wonderful close.
Writer means: My body is numb. Voices call out to me from the void, but I can no longer hear them over the beating of my racing heart. I am stressed to the point where I feel no relief. The story is done. It’s fucking DONE. I loved it, I hated it, it was a fucking storm of horror and pain. I can no longer see color. Now I can at last relax and…wait……wait a second………..holy shit I just thought of the best idea for a one-shot that’s totally gonna turn into a 50 chapter slow burn AU fic leT’S FUCKING DO THIS
I can confirm the factuality of every single one of these statements!
house cat scares off bear
“That is the stupidest looking dog I’ve ever seen. I’m going to kick its ass.”
ImagineCreateDevour 