if you’re not standing barefoot in the heart of a foreboding forest and chanting to the old gods as the moonlight tangles its fingers in your messy hair and caresses your dirt-streaked cheeks what even is the point
Death of the Author – We don’t care what the author says he wanted the work to mean. We let the work speak for itself.
Weekend at Bernie’s of the Author – We don’t care what the author said. The authorial intent must be whatever we found in the work. (h/t @raggedjackscarlet)
Cryonic Stasis of the Author – The author is actually dead for a long time. Nobody gets all the references any more, but my literature teacher told me I have to take the context at the time into account, so I got a book that explains the work, instead of letting it speak for itself.
Frankenstein’s Monster of the Author – We let the work sort of speak for itself. We ignore what the author said about the intent behind the work. Instead we will use the author’s tweets on unrelated issues in order to ascribe intent and meaning to the work.
Night of the Living Dead Authors – Teeeeeeeeeeeeexts
Vampirism of the Author – The author reads a clever but far-fetched interpretation of his work and decides that it will become canon.
Near Death Experience of the Author – The author wants the work to speak for itself, but after a long period of restraint and silence, says that while the work still stands for itself, some interpretations of it are just plain wrong.
Faked Death of the Author – Author adopts pseudonym, explains intent as a series of YouTube fan theory videos.
ok this keeps coming on my dash and every time the notes are filled with people being like WHAT IS THIS so i am HERE TO ENLIGHTEN YOU, FRIENDS
this is from the musical Firebringer which is free to watch on Youtube. it’s by Team StarKid of A Very Potter Musical fame (think you recognize the girl singing? that’s Lauren Lopez, also known as the funniest Draco Malfoy the world has ever seen)
anyway, Firebringer is a female-driven, hilarious musical about bisexual cavewomen and you are going to want to watch it. trust me.
Okay, so nearly three years ago when I first spoke with Simon, and he tossed the whole “hand-eating” thing out there, I glanced at his blog for a moment before responding.
His description was muuuuch shorter then. Something like “I am a monster, yes, a real one, read my book” and that was it.
So I thought “oh this is someone running a roleplay blog for some YA gothic fiction.”
So I got into the conversation and when I started to feel GENUINELY SORT OF UH, DISCONCERTED, I was like “who IS this character” and I googled Simon, only to find out he was him.
And I thought “hm. I maybe………shouldn’t have engaged.”
And then somehow we became friends and now I run his blog adn live in the rafters so that’s the Lore TM.
It’s been five years when is a vampire going to read my blog and then show up to kick my ass
Vampires do not exist, but I read your blog.
THIS IS A HIGHLY SUSPICIOUS RESPONSE…
Is it? Or have you been studying the wrong monster?
I want to know the science of using a hollowed-out chest cavity as an over for baking and I’m being genuine. Wouldn’t my skin burn before my hands cooked? And why my hands?
Oh…my dear child.
Firstly, I would take your hands so that you could never type such ridiculous things. I would then dissever your limbs, possibly taking all the major joints too, to stuff within the chest cavity. The organs and skin must be removed, you see, for they cook at different temperatures. Joints have a great deal of collagen, and will melt quite nicely. I would then stuff all the remaining spaces full of vegetables and other types of game, deboned of course, to create a tidy little bundle. This would be wrapped in foil – or if we are doing this in the old fashion – clay, and then baked and a low temperature for many many hours. I could see it done in the method of the Hawaiian pig roast, buried in a bit , or perhaps even like a suckling pig. To serve, I would simply use the ribs as a guideline, slicing between. If cooked properly, the spinal and costal joints will separate nicely. And each cross section will be a lovely mess of slow cooked perfection. Leaving all the little bones free to be tossed aside, all their lovely meat and nutrients leached into the stew.
That is how I would do it.
I apologize if this finds you squeamish. I can understand how discussing your own roasting might be unnerving. Take comfort that we are so far apart…
Enough people have asked that I made an attempt to go back and find Simon and my first conversation. Some of it is missing, like the initial “chest oven” comment when he actually said he’d cook and eat my hands, but here it is.
A few weeks later, we bonded over Naruto so like. Is the moral of the story to befriend strangers online who literally say they’ll eat your hands?
ImagineCreateDevour 