Overcoming Invalidation

borderlinebravery:

Invalidation communicates that your thoughts, beliefs, values, or appearance are wrong or incorrect. When thinking of invalidation, it’s important to remember the possibility of it being dialectical: it can be both helpful and painful. 

When is invalidation helpful? 

• When it corrects unfactual information and/or mistakes
• When it opens your mind to other perspectives and boosts personal growth

When is it painful? 

• When you’re being rejected or neglected
• When something factual in your life is being denied or overlooked
• When personal experience is trivialized or disregarded
• When someone treats you as less than equal 
• When someone repeatedly misunderstands you 
• When someone misreads your intentions or misinterprets your actions
• When you’re telling the truth and others don’t believe you

So, what do you do when you’re invalidated? 

• Validate yourself the same way you would validate a loved one. 
• Check the facts. Are your responses to the situation in line with the facts? 
• Check with someone else whom you can trust to validate the valid.
• If your response doesn’t fit the facts, acknowledge this. 
• Also, acknowledge when your reactions make sense and are valid.
• Work to change any invalid thinking patterns, actions, or statements. 
• Remember that blaming a person rarely helps and try to let go of blame.
• Be compassionate towards yourself. Practice self-soothing. 
• Drop judgmental self-statements and practice opposite action.
• Remember: all behavior is caused. Also, remember that you are doing the best that you can do at any given point in time.
• Admit that it’s painful to be invalidated by others (even if it’s right).
• Remember that being invalidated, while painful, is rarely a catastrophe.
• Enter a supportive environment.
• Grieve any traumatic invalidation and whatever harm may have resulted. 
• Practice radical acceptance of those who have invalidated you.