thebibliosphere:

ariaste:

prokopetz:

Pursuant to a recent post, several respondents suggested that I was off-base in my assessment of the vampire condition – to wit, that vampire senses are supernaturally attuned to blood-related phenomena in particular, not biological processes in general.

Under this model, a vampire can hear the pulse of your heartbeat or the rush of blood in your veins from across a room, but not necessarily – for example – the food digesting in your stomach.

Okay, fair enough.

But you know what else is a blood-related phenomenon?

Yep.

Can a vampire hear you get a boner?

Not just yours, I mean. Anybody’s. Imagine a vampire walking across a crowded shopping mall plaza, when suddenly her ears are pricked by the telltale creak of a situationally inappropriate erection exactly twenty feet to her left.

Or… maybe that’s not the sound it would make.

Physiologically, an erection operates by constricting the veins that empty blood from the tissues of the genitals, causing a positive pressure to build up.

And you know what happens when you constrict the flow of a pressurised fluid.

To a vampire’s senses, do boners whistle?

@thebibliosphere i demand you answer this question in your forthcoming bestseller

*pinches bridge of nose*