lavenderprose:

Yuuri Katsuki is like the skating world’s Married Cousin™

Like, you always thought he was pretty cool and you still think that but he’s the oldest and he married well and now all anybody can talk about is Married Cousin Yuuri and you’re like Why can’t they ever talk about me, Straight B Student Cousin Kyle.

“Oh yeah, Viktor and I just bought a house,” says Married Cousin Yuuri, smiling and perfect as all of the trainwreck late-teen skaters simmer with jealousy in a corner.

“I used to be like you,” assures Married Cousin Yuuri, patting a young skater’s back as she has her fourth existential crisis of the day. “Before Viktor and I got married, I–”

“Ugh.” The skater wedges her head between her knees. “UGH.”

Getting an invitation to Viktor and Yuuri’s post-season celebratory dinner party is like being told by your mom that you’re going to Married Cousin Yuuri’s house for Thanksgiving because he and His Husband Viktor want the whole family to be there for their First Thanksgiving In The New House.

The only difference is that instead of standing up halfway through the meal and announcing that they’re having a baby, Viktor starts the night by walking into the dining room with not one but two poodle puppies in his arms and says, “Meet our babies!”

“I want to die,” mutters Yuri Plisetsky, and the five under-eighteen skaters surrounding him grunt in agreement.