-“hold onto your hats, kids, we’re gonna do some algebra!!! ….what? that’s a saying! that people say!”
-“you know, they used to call richmond ‘fist city’. why are you laughing”
-“so, if you start your weekend with $250, and you end up sunday night with $10- stop laughing, you’re gonna understand adulthood soon enough.”
-“no, i can’t put my age in the spreadsheet, it’s gonna fuck up the results because you’re aLL 18 and i’m OLD!”
-“i’m sorry an old man yelled at you, but that happens in the city. you just gotta get used to old men saying mean things. they’re mean to me too.”
-him: “okay kids, someone tell me a joke while i erase the board”
me: “my life”
him: “you think your life is a joke now? just wait ‘til you’re a grad student. god i’m sad.”update:
-“you think you guys have it hard ‘cause you have to do a page of math homework? i have 10 credits worth of classes, which is a FULL LOAD for a grad student, my teaching job, my OTHER job… i haven’t slept in so long. who has coffee. no, fuck red bull i don’t drink that shit unless i’m desperate”
-“you know, space jam came on tv the other day. that’s one heck of a movie, kids”
-him: “you guys can call me whatever you want, honestly, as long as it’s not old man”
me: “who calls you that you’re like 25”
him: “I FELL ASLEEP WATCHING ONE MOVIE OKAY. ONE.”
-“i love my dog! he’s better than, well, most people actually”
-“i’m not smart just because i can do complex math in my head! ….okay maybe i am but my point is you can too someday”
-“you’re not bad at this just because you can’t figure out the problem! that’s why you’re in school. you gotta learn how to do it first! i believe in you!”
-“are you telling me none of you full grown 90’s kids know how to use an excel spreadsheet??? i take it back i don’t know if i can do this anymore”this got like 300+ notes in two days so here’s another update for y’all:
-“stop putting yourself down! you can do math! it’s easy for me because it’s my career path. you can do it, i promise.”
-him: “uh….. i really should’ve worked this problem out beforehand. i forget how to do it.”
ta: “dude aren’t you learning theoretical math? this is ALGEBRA”
him: “shhhhhhhhh”
-“google maps should be able to tell you how many douchebags are on your route. yes, ellie, i remember every instance you’ve told me about.”
-him: “try this problem out! it’s a pretty cool one, the answer took years to figure out.”
me, twenty minutes later: “…..there’s no solution is there”
him & his colleagues, cackling like gremlins: “NO!”
me: “you let me STRUGGLE for that long????”
them: “yeah it was really funny”
-him: “you have FOUR SHOTS of caffeine in your coffee…. is your heart gonna explode”
me: “actually, maybe, i forgot to take my heart meds this morning”
him, doing a perfect impression of the caveman spongebob meme: “WHAT THE FU C K ELL IE”another update for today
-him: “so the variable is….”
me: “i don’t…. know”
him: “[strangled shrieking]”
me: “you good?”
him: “i am a hollowed out shell of a man”
-me: “bruh”
him: “don’t call me bruh”
me: “sorry dude”
him: “that’s better”
-“you know those old 90’s karate movies with the sensei that’s a complete asshole? i’d like to be like that, but for math. the asshole math sensei. that’s me”
-“i’m so old. do you even know what top gun is??? knowing space jam is one thing, but if you don’t know what top gun is i’m too old to be friends with you”we’ve almost reached 2k… time for another update
-me, getting my test back: “i hate myself”
him: “wait til you hit your mid-twenties. then that self hatred will really start solidifying”
-me: “so i /will/ pass out, but you don’t have to call an ambulance”
him: “you’ve been in my class for an entire month ellie. why do you wait to tell me important things? i get memes in my email but i don’t get to know important health concerns.”
-“apples are fun to throw at stop signs. what, i was young once”
-“i had GREAT sleep last night. like, four entire hours. god it was wonderful”
-him: “matrices really get me going”
me: “uh, what?”
him: “that means it makes you excited right?”
me: “yes but probably not the way you wanted to mean”
a running tally of adorable things my 20-something year old math prof has said
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